i gave up on him...

i sent him a sms friday, one week ago. without response.
i gave him a call on monday after work... no response...
during the following night i gave it all a lots of thoughts.

i decided to give up on him.
it would have been his turn to say anything...
it was all up to him.

and it wasn't even that hard for me to not think about him.
work kept me busy.
life kept me busy.

i bought nelly furtado's loose cd because All Good Things (Come to an End)
reminded me so much of what we had shared, and what i treasured about him:

Nelly Furtado - All Good Things (Come to an End)

Honestly what will become of me
Don't like reality
It's way too clear to me
Nelly But really life is daily
We are what we don't see
Furtado Missed everything daydreaming

Refrain:
Flames to dust
Lovers to friends
Why do all good things come to an end
All Flames to dust
Lovers to friends
why do all good things come to an end
Good Come to an end
Come to an
Why do all good things come to an end
Things Come to an end
Come to an
Why do all good things come to an
Come
Traveling I only stop at exits
Wondering if I'll stay
To Young and restless
Living this way I stress less
I want to pull away when the dream dies
An The pain sets in and I don't cry
I only feel gravity and I wonder why
End
Refrain:
Flames to dust
Lovers to friends
Why do all good things come to an end
Songtexte Flames to dust
Lovers to friends
why do all good things come to an end
Songtext Come to an end
Come to an
Why do all good things come to an end
Lyrics Come to an end
Come to an
Why do all good things come to an
Lyric
Well the dogs were whistling a new tune barking at the new moon
Liedertexte Hoping it would come soon so that they could
Dogs were whistling a new tune barking at the new moon
Liedertext Hoping it would come soon so that they could die

Refrain:
Flames to dust
Alle Lovers to friends
Why do all good things come to an end
Nelly Flames to dust
Lovers to friends
Why do all good things come to an end
Furtado Come to an end
Come to an
Why do all good things come to an end
All Come to an end
Come to an
Why do all good things come to an ...
Good
Well the dogs were barking at the new moon whistling a new tune
Things Hoping it would come soon
And the sun was wondering if it should stay away for a day
Come Til the feeling went away
And the sky was falling
And the clouds were dropping
To And the rain forgot how to bring salvation
The dogs were barking at the new moon whistling a new tune
An Hoping it would come soon
So that they could die

on friday i met with anika for dinner. i still had some time, so i waited in my car. since i get along very well with tobi, i phoned him.
we talked for a while, when i told him chris hadn't been in touch with me for 1,5 weeks. i also told him about my decision to give up on him and he agreed it would be the best.

i never felt something like hatred for the way things turned out between chris and me.

it was my decision (can you even call that a decision, wasn't it more subconscious?)to like him more than it was good for me.
and it was his decision to feel different about us.

i accept his thoughts the same way as my thoughts.
there's no difference.
why would i hate or dislike someone who doesn't feel the same about me?
do i regret having met him? NO
do i regret having gotten so close to him? NO
do i regret he cared for me better than any other men on earth before? SURE NOT
he was special to me!
during those 5 hours i shared the most pure and lovely feelings.
i never felt such happiness with a boy before.

still... i'm confused about how everything turned out...

so i told tobi to pass a message on to chris:
tell him i wish him well!
i do! from the bottom of my heart! (but i know it is better to give up and not cause any more pain)
tell him i thank him for everything he had done for me in munich. (he was incredible!)

isn't it good i freed myself from everything?

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i wanted to write all that a few days ago... but things turned out in a different way...