does he come back to me?

friday night i had finally finished everything.
i felt able to move on, just with happy thoughts about munich and new year's eve...

when suddenly on saturday i had an un-answered call by him...

at that instant i didn't have time to call him back...
i wasn't able to get my head clear from him anymore.

i wondered: did tobi already pass on the message?
did he want to get an explanation?

i decided to tell him my feelings and thoughts:
that i couldn't go on like that.
that it was hurting me.
that it was no game for me.

before calling him, i once again listened to nelly's all good things come to an end.

then i dialled his number. i was so afraid i couldn't reach him(!) because it's been hours later since his call and i knew from tobi that he'd be on duty all the weekend.

he answered even though he was on duty.
sometimes he had to check people and stuff like that.
when a woman was entering he said: it's just a woman. i won't check her, that here is more important (he meant our phone call!)...
everything we said and talked, it felt like being back in munich.
i couldn't get those words over my lips.
i refused to destroy that arousing feeling of happiness, chatting with him on the phone.
after half an hour, he was invited by some subordinates to eat pizza together.
he said he'd call back after eating.

i knew right away he would, even thought when he last said he'd call back right away it was 1,5 weeks ago.

and indeed he called back. talking for another 37 minutes. i felt very comfortable talking to him. he made me laugh a lot. we're so similar in some things. he was so cute~
he then had to concentrate on work again. he was on duty until 12pm.
he asked me if i was up a little longer, he wanted to call again.
but that time i knew he wouldn't call anymore and i was right. maybe it was getting too late. in fact after his call i went straight to bed...

what to do now?

what exactly is between us?

should i consider him as a buddy?
the feeling in munich was different...
maybe i should have made it sure.

who knows when he'll call again?


now he makes me wait for him again.
and i was so tired of waiting. too impatient.
if i only knew it'd make sense to wait, i'd have no problem with it at all...